Naked Calvinism: a reformed preacher at the doors of heaven and hell.

 

Mark Driscoll is one of the “New Calvinists”, a large movement of Evangelicals strongly emphasizing their belief in divine determinism and fighting religious liberalism as well as equal rights for women within the Church.

While Mark is not yet dead, God almighty showed me in a vision that he will have a strong surprise there.

What follows is part of the inerrant Gospel of Lotharson, delivered once and for all to all progressive saints.

The predestination of Mark Driscoll

Just before Mark’s feet were to reach the flames, an Angel took him away and placed him on a rock.

“What…what is going on?” he stuttered.
“In thirty minutes your eternal torment will begin. But in His grace, the Sovereign Lord Almighty wanted to grant you a short time period where all your earthly wishes will be fulfilled, as long as they are not sinful. I can summon this delicious vanilla ice you are such a huge fan of. The mighty God does you this favor because He loves you.”
Mark Driscoll gnashed his teeth before bursting out:
“That’s utterly ridiculous and disgusting! God cannot say He loves me just because he grants me an infinitely negligable amount of pleasure while He is going to torture me during billions and billions of years!”
The angel shook his head.
“Mark…Mark…You taught these very things during so many years…You kept telling to your sheep that God is infinitely gracious and loving to let rain fall upon the fields of the wicked ones. What is the matter now?”
Mark threw a hateful gaze at the heavenly being.
“What’s the matter??? God decided before the very foundation of the world I would be damned and suffer forever. He did not leave me any other choice!!!”
The angel smiled.
“Calm down manly boy ! Did you not repeatedly teach that single predestination is not the same as double predestination?
You told people that God just set up all parameters of the creation and let the reprobates slide towards hell but does not actively cause them to sin. You always taught that we should not ask why the reprobates are not saved but why God is so gracious to choose some of you.”
Mark moaned and whined.

“I realize now I was teaching bullshit during all these years. Please forgive me. Give me a chance!” he begged.
“You have always said that the people asserting there will be a second chance are Universalists who are contaminated by female teachings which are invading the Church.”
Driscoll wept bitterly.
“I was wrong. I was dead wrong. Please don’t throw me into the unquenchable fire. Have mercy on me!”.
The angel smiled again. Mark got stunned as he realized who He truly was.
“You see Mark, you have always put Me in a box, trying to tell Me what I am supposed to do or not to do. I am all too glad to announce you that you were indeed dead wrong. Despite all the falsehoods you taught about Me, I know you have a sincere desire to be with Me. And I love you, no matter what you did. The flames you see below are not going to kill you or torture you but will purify your heart…Yes, the heathen Roman Catholics got this right.” God said before stroking his cheeks.

driscollPiper

(I obviously was in a good mood as I wrote the end. But guess what? God predetermined my state of mind too).

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12 thoughts on “Naked Calvinism: a reformed preacher at the doors of heaven and hell.

  1. Love your description of the fire of God being the means that purifies us. This is exactly what theologian George MacDonald said of hell. To those who welcome purification by God, the process will be welcomed, yet to those who oppose God and love sin, the process of purification will seem like hell.

    • That’s a way to look at things.

      I am not an universalist lile MacDonald, though. For I believe that God won’t force people not desiring Him to love Him.

      I believe they will cease to exist after bein retributed according to the way they fulfilled the Golden Rule.

      Best wishes.

  2. You told people that God just set up all parameters of the creation and let the reprobates slide towards hell but does not actively cause them to sin.

    You just don´t understand why God is like that and how that totally makes sense because you are not one of the elected! 😉

    The flames you see below are not going to kill you or torture you but will purify your heart…Yes, the heathen Roman Catholics got this right.

    So what do the heathen Catholics say as to why we live this earthly life at all instead of going straight to the “purification” part / starting “purified”?

    • I’m a Catholic who converted to the faith in my 40s. Catholics believe people are inherently good. Original sin wounds our ability to say yes to God. In baptism, the stain of original sin is washed away. But because our human nature is weak, we choose to do things that wound charity; that is, the perfect love of God. We say mean things, we get impatient, we are selfish. Some of us do worse things, like theft, fraud, adultery, murder. All of the wrong things we do can be forgiven. But most of us die with an attachment to sin–those parts of us that still want to put ourselves first even if we offend or hurt others. Sometimes the consequences of our choices cannot be undone, eg. we hurt someone and that person dies before we can make things right. Purgatory purifies all of this so we can enter heaven to be with a perfectly holy God. At the last supper, Jesus washed the feet of the disciples. Peter was offended, but Jesus explained that it was necessary–not Peter’s whole body, just the feet. God washes our dirty feet in Purgatory, so to speak.

  3. All of the wrong things we do can be forgiven.

    Except for suicide I presume. At least afaict – I could well be wrong since I honestly know very little about Catholicism.

    Purgatory purifies all of this so we can enter heaven to be with a perfectly holy God.

    Alright, but then what´s the point of this earthly existence in the first place? The “final destination”, so to speak, always seems to be the same – what´s the point of God putting us here on earth instead of making us go straight to the “purification” / “heaven with a perfectly holy God” part? Earthly existence seems to be completely superfluous on this view.

    • Suicide is no longer considered a mortal sin. The Church understands mental illness much better than it did years ago. You don’t understand the theology. Baptism removes the stain of original sin. That is the purification of the soul here on earth. As we live out our lives, our feet get dirty. If we all went to Purgatory as soon as we commit any sin, then we’d be dead, in God’s waiting room (which is how I describe Purgatory). It is in the living of our lives, in our struggle, that we grow in holiness. I believe there are some whose lives are so perfected when they die, that they skip Purgatory and go straight to heaven. As long as we are on earth, we can avail ourselves of the Sacrament of Reconciliation (aka Confession), which restores our souls and puts us back into sanctifying grace. After we die, any leftover sin or consequences of sin are taken care of. If you aren’t a Catholic, you probably won’t understand it. If you don’t agree with it, then don’t become a Catholic. There are plenty of religions out there. Then again, one can have no religion, too. That’s what is so great about free will.

      • Baptism removes the stain of original sin. That is the purification of the soul here on earth. As we live out our lives, our feet get dirty. If we all went to Purgatory as soon as we commit any sin, then we’d be dead, in God’s waiting room (which is how I describe Purgatory). It is in the living of our lives, in our struggle, that we grow in holiness. I believe there are some whose lives are so perfected when they die, that they skip Purgatory and go straight to heaven.

        Alright, but countless people die as infants (and since the Catholic church seems to consider fertilized human eggs to be people, even more die every day because human embryos in the earliest steps of their development routinely fail to properly attach to the uterine wall and are aborted naturally) – and it doesn´t seem to be Catholic doctrine that those people are reincarnated on earth. Earthly existence thus does seem to be completely superfluous – the final destination is always the same, with the only possible difference being whether you make a short detour via purgatory or not, and for countless people – not even this brief detour on the way to a final destination (where they will stay eternally) is possible, because they die before they can be held accountable for anything.

        There are plenty of religions out there. Then again, one can have no religion, too. That’s what is so great about free will.

        I don´t think that we have free will in the libertarian sense of “free will”, but what you talk about here is something different – free will refers to actions, the ability to freely choose beliefs is called “doxastic voluntarism”. And doxastic voluntarism is a philosophically *extremely* problematic position (even philosophers who try to defend it realize the absurdity of being able to freely choose to genuinely believe that 2+2=49, for example) and usually only try to defend a very limited form of it (not successfully IMHO).

        • We entrust all unbaptized souls to the mercy of God, who certainly loves those he creates. A fertilized egg has all of the DNA of a human being. It is a developing human, just as the fertilized eggs of dogs are developing puppies. We don’t ever say who is or is not with God. We pray for all souls. Only God knows for sure. The Church is not unaware of how many pregnancies do not succeed.

          I don’t know what you are trying to prove. If you are a nonbeliever, that’s fine. There was a question raised, and this thread started with an answer to that question. It was not my attempt to proselytize; only explain. This is what I believe, not an attempt to thwart what anyone else believes.

  4. Of course Mark Driscoll actually does have visions and hear voices; but these disclose to him the nature of other people’s sex lives – something he has a negative fascination for, as he does for all matter pertaining to sex. The man is clearly very disturbed and he – or even more importantly the people in his care as a pastor and his wife – deserve our prayers and good wishes for his speedy recovery to better health. That’s part an ironic comment on the ridiculous esteem in which he is held by too many who should wake up and smell the proverbial coffee; and it’s part a concerned and caring statement of the obvious.

    And John Piper – if you ever read this old son of a gun I’d just like to say ‘I don’t think much of your mates!!!!’

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