De Kirch geje Pevertierunge (with translation)

English Version: The Church against perversions.

What follows is written in the dialect of my homeland, Lorraine Franconian.

 

E britische Friend von mir, de Rob, hat e mol mieni Ufmerksamket uf de folgende Comic geruf.

 

 

Iwersetzung

– Dieni Wohl von Lewensstil isch eeni Abomination.

– Awer sit miener Kindhet bin ich immer so gewenn.

– De Schrifte son, dass’s von de Däiwel kummt.

– Awer wen verletze ich, wenn ich so bin?

– Es isch IWEL! De muss ‘s Verhale do ufginn!

– Was, wenn es nadirlich isch?

– Es gibt keen Bewäis dofir!

[So sieht ‘s us, im Mittelalter e Linkshänder ze sin].

 

Eine Frage: wäre es damals möglich gewesen, viele Gründe zu finden, um Linkshänder dazu zu führen, sich wie Rechtshänder zu verhalten, weil sie sonst sündigen würden?

 

 

Thematic list of ALL posts on this blog (regularly updated)

My other blog on Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAP)

 

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Something to meditate upon

 

Foto: Si les êtres humains se préoccupaient de cette boule (le terre) de la même manière qu'ils se préoccupent de celle-là (ballon de foot), alors tous ces problèmes n'existeraient plus.

 

If human beings were to care for this ball like they care for this ball…then we wouldn’t have any longer all these problems.

 

(I’m not sure how this sounds in English but I think you’ve gotten the message…)

 

 

Naked Calvinism: a reformed preacher at the doors of heaven and hell.

 

Mark Driscoll is one of the “New Calvinists”, a large movement of Evangelicals strongly emphasizing their belief in divine determinism and fighting religious liberalism as well as equal rights for women within the Church.

While Mark is not yet dead, God almighty showed me in a vision that he will have a strong surprise there.

What follows is part of the inerrant Gospel of Lotharson, delivered once and for all to all progressive saints.

The predestination of Mark Driscoll

Just before Mark’s feet were to reach the flames, an Angel took him away and placed him on a rock.

“What…what is going on?” he stuttered.
“In thirty minutes your eternal torment will begin. But in His grace, the Sovereign Lord Almighty wanted to grant you a short time period where all your earthly wishes will be fulfilled, as long as they are not sinful. I can summon this delicious vanilla ice you are such a huge fan of. The mighty God does you this favor because He loves you.”
Mark Driscoll gnashed his teeth before bursting out:
“That’s utterly ridiculous and disgusting! God cannot say He loves me just because he grants me an infinitely negligable amount of pleasure while He is going to torture me during billions and billions of years!”
The angel shook his head.
“Mark…Mark…You taught these very things during so many years…You kept telling to your sheep that God is infinitely gracious and loving to let rain fall upon the fields of the wicked ones. What is the matter now?”
Mark threw a hateful gaze at the heavenly being.
“What’s the matter??? God decided before the very foundation of the world I would be damned and suffer forever. He did not leave me any other choice!!!”
The angel smiled.
“Calm down manly boy ! Did you not repeatedly teach that single predestination is not the same as double predestination?
You told people that God just set up all parameters of the creation and let the reprobates slide towards hell but does not actively cause them to sin. You always taught that we should not ask why the reprobates are not saved but why God is so gracious to choose some of you.”
Mark moaned and whined.

“I realize now I was teaching bullshit during all these years. Please forgive me. Give me a chance!” he begged.
“You have always said that the people asserting there will be a second chance are Universalists who are contaminated by female teachings which are invading the Church.”
Driscoll wept bitterly.
“I was wrong. I was dead wrong. Please don’t throw me into the unquenchable fire. Have mercy on me!”.
The angel smiled again. Mark got stunned as he realized who He truly was.
“You see Mark, you have always put Me in a box, trying to tell Me what I am supposed to do or not to do. I am all too glad to announce you that you were indeed dead wrong. Despite all the falsehoods you taught about Me, I know you have a sincere desire to be with Me. And I love you, no matter what you did. The flames you see below are not going to kill you or torture you but will purify your heart…Yes, the heathen Roman Catholics got this right.” God said before stroking his cheeks.

driscollPiper

(I obviously was in a good mood as I wrote the end. But guess what? God predetermined my state of mind too).

Christmas story / Wiehnachtsgeschicht / Conte de Noel

Das isch e Wihnachtsgeschicht, wu uf Hochdäitsch, Fronzesch un Englisch geschrieb wor isch.

C’est un conte de Noel écrit en Allemand, Français et Anglais.

This is a Christmas tale written in German, French and English (respectively).

‘s passiert im Mittelalter im Lothringen, miena liewe Heimat.

Cela ce déroule en Lorraine, ma terre natale bien aimée.

It takes place in Lorraine, my beloved homeland.

Bild

Seid Still Kinner, denn ‘s beginnt nun.

Soyez silencieux les enfants parce que ça commence juste maintenant.

Be still children for it begins  now.

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Das Zwielicht war schon lang vorüber, als Friedrich das Schloss von Lemberg verliess.

Le crépuscule était déjà longtemps passé lorsque Frédéric quitta le château de Lemberg.

The twilight had been already long over as Frederic left the Castle of Lemberg.

Er wurde wirklich entzückt, nachdem er die majestätische winterliche Landschaft sah.
Il fut vraiment ravi après avoir vue le majestueux paysage hivernal.

He was truly delighted after having seen the majestic wintery landscape.

Der Schnee, der ständig vom Himmel herabfiel, wirbelte um ihn herum.

La neige qui tombait constamment du ciel tourbillonnait autour de lui.

The snow which constantly fell from the sky was swirling around him.

Herr Ludwig war mit seinen Verhandlungen mit dem Graf von Toul am meisten zufrieden gewesen.

Le seigneur Louis était majoritairement satisfait de ses négociations avec le comte de Toul.

Lord Lewis had been mostly satisfied by the result of his negotiations with the count of Toul.

Letztendlich hatte er akzeptiert, seine beeindruckende Armee als Hilfe zu senden, um den Gruppen von Ganoven entgegenzutreten, die die isolierten Dörfer der Vosgesen plünderten.

Il avait finalement accepte d’envoyer son imposante armée pour aider a contrer les bandes de brigands qui pillaient les villages isolés des Vosges.
At the end of the day, he had accepted to send his imposing army as a help for countering the groups of outlaws which were plundering isolated villages of the Vosges.

Das war keine leichte Aufgabe gewesen und Friedrich hatte den Willen des Bischofs von Metz erwähnen müssen, der die größte religiöse Autorität im ganzen Lothringen war, um dies hinzubekommen.

Ce n’était point une tache facile et Frédéric a dû mentionner l’évêque de Metz, qui était la plus grande autorité religieuse dans toute la Lorraine, pour obtenir ceci.

This had been no easy task and Frederic had to mention the will of the bishop of Metz, the greatest religious authority in the whole Lorraine, to finally obtain this.

Er wusste, dass mit regelmäßig durch die Gegend patrouillierenden Soldaten die Räuber und Diebe sich es gut überlegen würden, bevor sie ihre feigen Missetaten wiederholen würden.

Il savait qu’avec les soldats qui patrouilleront régulièrement dans la région, les pilleurs et voleurs réfléchiront a deux fois avant de répéter les même méfaits couards.

He knew that with regular soldiers patrolling around the land, the robbers and thieves would think twice before repeating their coward misdeeds.

Er kehrte nun nach Schorbach zurück, wo seine liebe Mathilde vor einem guten Holzfeuer auf ihn wartete.

Il retournait a Schorbach ou sa bien-aimée Mathilde l’attendait devant un bon feu de bois.

He was now heading back to Schorbach where his beloved Mathilde was waiting for him in front of a good wood fire.

Er war ungeduldig, endlich anzukommen und sie wiederzusehen, denn er war während eines ganzen Monats abwesend gewesen.

Il était impatient d’arriver enfin et de la revoir car il avait été absent durant un mois entier.
He was impatient to arrive at last and see her again for he had been absent during an entire month.

Sie werden freudevoll das Kommen des Erretters der ganzen Schöpfung zu dieser Welt zelebrieren.

Il celebreront plein de joie la venue dans ce monde du Sauveur de la creation entiere.

They would joyfully celebrate the coming of the Saviour of the whole creation into the world.

Er konnte sich nicht die Freude vorstellen, ihren Schoss zu streicheln, wo ihr Kind hauste.

Il ne pouvait pas s’imaginer sa joie de câliner son ventre ou leur enfant habitait.

He could not imagine the joy of embracing her and stroking her womb where their child was dwelling.

Wenn sie mit einem Mädchen gesegnet wären, würden sie sie Bertrude nennen. Wenn sie mit einem Knaben gesegnet wären, würden sie ihn Lothar nennen, nach dem großen König, der Lothringen gegründet hatte, das nachher “Lorraine” genannt worden war.

Si ils étaient bénis avec une fille, il l’appelleraient Bertrude. Si il étaient bénis avec un garçon, il l’appelleraient Lothaire, d’après le grand roi qui fondit la Lotharingie qui fut après appelée la Lorraine.

If they were blessed with a girl, they would call her Bertthrude. If they were blessed with a boy, they would call him Lothar, after the great king who had founded Lotharingie which was later called “Lorraine”.

Der rote Himmel war so hell, dass sogar der dunkle Wald von Nadelbäumen, durch den er ging beleuchtet war.

Le ciel rouge était si clair qu’il pouvait même voir le sombre bois de conifères a travers lequel il marchait.

The red sky was so bright that it even illuminated the dark forest of conifers he was going through.

Bild

Er schritt mit einer konstanten Geschwindigkeit, als er die Höhle des Christkinds sah und sich entschloss, für eine Minute an diesem Ort zu verweilen.

Il marchait avec une allure constante lorsqu’il vit la grotte de l’enfant Jesus et décida d’y faire une halte pour une minute.

He was walking at a constant pace as he saw the cave of the Christ child and decided to halt for a minute at this place.

Er beugte sich nieder vor der Statue der gesegneten Jungfrau Maria, die den Säugling Jesus auf ihren Armen trug.

Il se mit a genoux devant la statue de la bénie vierge Marie qui portait le bébé Jésus dans ces bras.

He bowed down before the statue of the blessed virgin Mary holding the baby Jesus in her arms.

Er schauderte,  als er Schritte hörte, die sich ihm näherten.

Il sursauta lorsqu’il entendit des pas s’approcher.

He shuddered as he heard footsteps closing in on him.

Er hatte kaum die Zeit, sein Schwert aus seiner Scheide herauszuholen, bevor er die unbekannte Bedrohung ins Auge schauen musste.

Il eut a peine le temps de sortir son épée de son étui avant de faire face a la menace inconnue.

He had barely the time to take the sword out of his sheath for facing the unknown threat.

Das Blut in seinen Adern gefror, als er das Gesicht von Arnold erkannte, dem Chef der Verbrecherbande von Räubern, die hilflose Dörfer im Bitscherland plünderte.

Son sang gela lorsqu’il reconnut le visage d’Arnaud, le chef de la bande de brigands qui pillaient les villages sans défenses du Bitscherland.

His blood ran cold as he recognised the face of Arnold, the chief of the gang of robbers plundering helpless villages in the Bitscherland.

Er war von zwei seiner Untertanen umgegeben, die so aussahen, als ob sie genauso furchterregende Krieger wären.

Il était entoure par deux de ces acolytes qui semblaient également être des guerriers redoutables.

He was surrounded by two of his underlings who seemed to be formidable warriors in their own rights.

“Hast du dein Ziel erreicht, du Versager? Diese Nacht wirst du deine Seele deinem Verdammten Heiland zurückgeben!” rief er mit einer bösartigen Stimme.

“Est-ce que tu as atteint ton but, perdant? Cette nuit tu rendras ton âme a ton putain de sauveur!” cria t-il avec une voie malicieuse.

“Have you reached your goal, loser? This night, you will give back your soul to your damned saviour!” he shouted in a malicious voice.

Traurig über die Tatsache, dass sein Kind vaterlos wachsen würde, betete er für seine kleine Familie, bevor er sein Schwert schwang.

Abattu a la pensée que son fils grandira son père, il pria pour sa petite famille avant de manier son épée.
Saddened by the fact that his child would grow without a father, he prayed for his small family before swinging his blade.

Er konnte seinen Augen nicht glauben, als er Arnold und die zwei Diebe sah, die ihre Waffen auf den Boden warfen, und dann weinten.

Il ne put croire ses yeux, lorsqu’il vit Arnaud et les deux brigands qui jetèrent leurs armes sur le sol avant d’éclater en sanglot.
He could not believe his eyes as he saw Arnold and the two thieves dropping their weapons before weeping.

“Herr vergib uns!” schrien sie mit der selben Stimme.
“Seigneur, pardonne nous” ils crièrent avec la même voix.

“Lord, forgive us!” they screamed in the same voice.

Er konnte der Versuchung nicht widerstehen, sich umzudrehen.

Il ne put résister la tentation de tourner son dos.
He could not withstand the temptation to turn his back.

Er wurde von dem entzückt, was er sah.

Il fut ravis par ce qu’il vit.

He was ravished by what he saw. 

Die Statue der lächelnden Jungfrau war von zahllosen Glühwürmchen umgegeben.

La statue de la vierge souriante était entourée par un très grand nombre de lucioles.

The statue of the smiling virgin was surrounded by countless glowworms.

Er wusste, dass es kein blosser Zufall war.

Il savait que ce n’était pas une pure coïncidence.

He knew this was not a mere coincidence.

BildDer Weihnachtsgeist war hier und hatte diesen Ort und ihre Herzen erobert.

L’esprit de noël était ici et avait conquis ces lieux et leurs cœurs.

The spirit of Christmas was here and had conquered this place and their hearts.

The Good Godless Gay

Youtube Version.

Jesus wandered in Nashville while challenging the religious folks there. Yet nobody recognized Him as the savior of the world but all took great offense at His teaching.

“If you believe you can rely on faith alone for despising the works of compassion towards your neighbor, I assure you that you won’t see the kingdom of God.”

Utterly indignant about this, an influential member of the Southern Baptist Confession rushed to Him.

“What are you talking about? We are not saved by works!!! And who is this neighbor?”

Jesus looked at him tenderly and smiled.

“A man was going down from Franklin to Spring Hills, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 
A presbyterian happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. He had no time to lose, for he had to give a talk at an important conference aiming at saving the true nature of marriage.  
So too, an Evangelical Lutheran, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. He had no time to lose, for he had to give a talk to expose false unbiblical teaching polluting the Church which had to remain doctrinally pure.

So too, a pentecostal business man, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. He had no time to lose, for he had to give a talk to hinder the progression of universal healthcare which was the first step towards a worldwide government which will itself eventually be led by the Antichrist.

 But a queer atheist, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He knew he was a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, but at that very moment he managed to overcome his anger and just saw him as a fellow human in need of his help.

 The hated fagot went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on the most delicious and precious oil of Marijuana in the whole world. Then he put the man on his own car, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two thousand dollars and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

 “Which of these four do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

 The southern Baptist wept and gnashed his teeth before reluctantly answering:

“The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

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P.S: If you want to quote this, you ought to refer to it as the inerrant gospel of Lotharson, written under the guidance of the Holy Ghost and delivered once and for all to all progressive saints.