Naked Calvinism: a reformed preacher at the doors of heaven and hell.

 

Mark Driscoll is one of the “New Calvinists”, a large movement of Evangelicals strongly emphasizing their belief in divine determinism and fighting religious liberalism as well as equal rights for women within the Church.

While Mark is not yet dead, God almighty showed me in a vision that he will have a strong surprise there.

What follows is part of the inerrant Gospel of Lotharson, delivered once and for all to all progressive saints.

The predestination of Mark Driscoll

Just before Mark’s feet were to reach the flames, an Angel took him away and placed him on a rock.

“What…what is going on?” he stuttered.
“In thirty minutes your eternal torment will begin. But in His grace, the Sovereign Lord Almighty wanted to grant you a short time period where all your earthly wishes will be fulfilled, as long as they are not sinful. I can summon this delicious vanilla ice you are such a huge fan of. The mighty God does you this favor because He loves you.”
Mark Driscoll gnashed his teeth before bursting out:
“That’s utterly ridiculous and disgusting! God cannot say He loves me just because he grants me an infinitely negligable amount of pleasure while He is going to torture me during billions and billions of years!”
The angel shook his head.
“Mark…Mark…You taught these very things during so many years…You kept telling to your sheep that God is infinitely gracious and loving to let rain fall upon the fields of the wicked ones. What is the matter now?”
Mark threw a hateful gaze at the heavenly being.
“What’s the matter??? God decided before the very foundation of the world I would be damned and suffer forever. He did not leave me any other choice!!!”
The angel smiled.
“Calm down manly boy ! Did you not repeatedly teach that single predestination is not the same as double predestination?
You told people that God just set up all parameters of the creation and let the reprobates slide towards hell but does not actively cause them to sin. You always taught that we should not ask why the reprobates are not saved but why God is so gracious to choose some of you.”
Mark moaned and whined.

“I realize now I was teaching bullshit during all these years. Please forgive me. Give me a chance!” he begged.
“You have always said that the people asserting there will be a second chance are Universalists who are contaminated by female teachings which are invading the Church.”
Driscoll wept bitterly.
“I was wrong. I was dead wrong. Please don’t throw me into the unquenchable fire. Have mercy on me!”.
The angel smiled again. Mark got stunned as he realized who He truly was.
“You see Mark, you have always put Me in a box, trying to tell Me what I am supposed to do or not to do. I am all too glad to announce you that you were indeed dead wrong. Despite all the falsehoods you taught about Me, I know you have a sincere desire to be with Me. And I love you, no matter what you did. The flames you see below are not going to kill you or torture you but will purify your heart…Yes, the heathen Roman Catholics got this right.” God said before stroking his cheeks.

driscollPiper

(I obviously was in a good mood as I wrote the end. But guess what? God predetermined my state of mind too).